Do's and Don'ts of partner squabbling.

People love it when Trophy H’s have a bad day. Everyone thinks oh boy this guy is funny enough to laugh himself over to tomorrow. Little people like to see the myths and giants, if not fall flat, then at least bent out of shape by the wind.
Trophy H’s have really bad days.
We have real fights with our partner that is not stage material.
Here is how I have dealt with some of mine.
Trophy H’s make lousy fighters. We want to make jokes so the angry person being silently mean to you from another room or on the phone from another time zone in another country will return from ugly land. Is your squabble happening with text or real talk, or is your partner right there standing in front of Glee or your favourite hockey game, which ever daddy programming turns your crank.
One thing you attempt to never do when you are having a bad fight with your partner is to laugh. They sometimes take laughter too personal during fights.
There is no good time to laugh. Not while they are staring you in the eye shaking the scissors and a handful of your more favourable credit cards.
Jokes are wasted and unwise during any bitterness or tension in the room.
Jokes tend to either go right over their head when they are cussing out your sorry ass. They for sure will only make you laugh, but not them.
“Hey you are not really angry with me darlink. You are just taking this opportunity to express your inner ugly.” Seriously don’t try this at home, my silent reader.
No way. Real men know how to win and get back to the TV. They understand the bigger picture. We know to keep our eyes not on the TV, at least during the commercials, but at those angry eyes. We nod our head up and down like those made in China neck wobbling car dogs you buy from Canadian Tire. Ok here the trophy H must make a confession. I have never owned a head nodding dog or a dashboard on which to put one.
No helpful interventions or comments. This would not be a good time to mention, and for their own good really, “Now pumpkin. Screwing up your eyes like that does not improve your advancing wrinkle war. The smile and frown all happens down below the ice line.”

Trophy H tips #459863. Become a skilled head nodder. Casually vary the speed of the nod to make it appear sincere.
Trophy H tips # 45697. Listen to what they are telling you without just pretending to listen while you make up your rebuttal in your cutting fashion.
The beauty of being the Trophy H of MrD is we really don’t have fights like this anymore. We worked threw a lot of shit in the first 5 years of this 15 year tour we are on together. And he has never been foolish enough to pull the money card during an argument. He is impeccably trained. Now when he has been bad or nasty or harsh or just plain honest and he sees I have been hurt by his action or words. He has an old saying that brings us back to reality. “15 years and my husband is not used to me yet.”
Trophy H tip #5768 Never go to bed to sleep when you are angry and never let them sleep while you are angry.